Waiting

I am convinced we all face the same dilemma, not just once or twice in our lives, but multiple times each day of our lives.  That dilemma is this:  will I trust God, even when that means waiting for an indefinate period of time; or will I, because of my pride and impatience, proceed with my own plans and own ingenuity to get me through situations?  We have all been there, and perhaps you are there today?

Truly, it was during those seasons of waiting in my life that my walk with the Lord grew the most and my character was being tested and built.  For example, I remember the season of waiting for my husband.  The Lord knew that there was much work to be done in my heart before I would be ready for the kind of Godly man He wanted to give me.  There was changing of friends and some a lot of alone time with God.  The Lord needed me to give myself comletely to Him before I could give myself to another. 

You see, during that time, I depended on Him more than ever. God had me exactly where he wanted me. That is one part about being single-we can give Him our undivided attention (if only we will) while we are single. He can use this special time during our lives if we allow him.  I learned to turn from the world and  toward Him.  Gradually, when I was ready, He replaced my old friends with new ones. He brought godly men and women into my life.  It was during that time that God gave me a love for teenagers and I began to work with the youth group at our church. I became great friends with other youth workers at our church. In fact, one of those friends eventually became my husband.

Just a few months after we were married, I found myself learning to wait again!  We traveled 1200 miles to the big city of Fort Worth, Texas, where my husband began attending Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. I willingly went with him, leaving my family and dear friends to embark on an unknown trail. I must admit it was extrememly difficult for me to leave the protected environment of home and face the unknown.  So much so that this newlywed bride would often slip into the bathroom and take a bath so I could cry without my husband ever knowing how hard it was for me. I missed my family so much, yet it was during this time of our "waiting to finish school" that we would learn to leave our families and cling to one another. Yes, the Lord knew that we would need this time to give us our new identity and mold us into "our own family."

As we graduated from Seminary, three years later, we brought along another person with us.  We were blessed with a beautiful, blue-eyed blonde. We were overjoyed and wanted another one as soon as possible.  However, our desires were not granted.  Each month, I would wait expectantly thinking this would be "THE MONTH."  Finally, after two years of waiting, the pregnancy test turned bright pink and it was positive. I was thrilled with the news, but it was short lived.  At our routine twelve week appointment, they searched for the heart beat, but none was found.  It was during that time of terrific pain, that the Lord, spoke to my heart.  ALL things work for the good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)  I felt a deep comfort from the Lord that I had never experienced. 

Again, each month, I drove myself (and my husband) crazy waiting to see if  "THIS" would be the month.  Months turned into years.  I was so desperate to have a baby, I was almost literally sending my husband to the brink of insanity.  It was during this time that our church was hosting a special weekend with guest speakers.  The men and women were divided up seperately.  Becky Drace, the speaker, spoke about Hannah and how desperate she was to have a child and how she took her burden to the Lord.  The Lord spoke to my heart in a mighty way and I left that morning with tears streaming down my face. I realized I was trying to be in control of when and if we were to have another child.  My mentor, Sharon Holder, was standing at the exit. I looked at her and said "I have totally placed my desires in God's hands. It is up to Him. I am trusting HIM. Yes, I will trust Him, no matter what, even if His answer is no. I will trust HIM."  It was at that point that I totally surrendered our families increase to HIM, the giver of life. It was up to Him- the if ever, whenever and however was given to HIM.  I was finally at peace. A month, later we were pregnant with our second child, who was born nine months later, on my Birthday!! Every year, as my son blows out his candles, I am reminded of God's precious gift to me.  He was so worth the wait.

In 2007, our lives would change forever, I found myself critically ill, waiting once again, this time I was waiting on "the gift of life", a new heart. The Lord gave us the strength to wait on His perfect timing. Through perilous turns and treacherous terrain, God navigated me through this time of waiting for a new heart.  As I look back on the waiting, it was definitely the most life threatening and dangerous wait I had, and probably the most difficult.  Even so, the severity of this wait doesn't diminish the pain of waiting for the other things to happen.  In retrospect, I would have to say that in the midst of each storm and period of waiting, I considered that to be the most difficult time of my life. But also, it was during this time that I learned to "Praise Him in the Storm." I learned that HE is the sustainer and provider life. Life and breath are in His hands. 

The stories shared here are examples of how waiting eventually turned out the way we wanted or even better.  However, there are times when we wait and things do not turn out the way we want.  But the thing we have to remember is that God is sovereign and things in our lives NEVER catch Him by surprise.  Accordingly, if God has you in a holding pattern, waiting, praying, and trusting, then He will not waste your tears, your pain, or your anguish.  He wants to use those times to build character and make you more dependent on Him.  Even when things don't go the way you have planned or prayed they would, God has threads of redemption running through the fabric of your life!

Isaiah 40:30-33
Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength;  They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.

Please pray for a my beloved friend Jess Capps, who is currently waiting on a new heart.  We have been friends for years.  Her mom taught my children in preschool and Jess was her assistant. Her caring brigesite is www.caringbridge.org/visit/JessCapps . She in an amazing,strong witty young lady and my only friend with pink hair.  We love you, Jess!!  Praying always for you!